Goodbye To You

Today, I feel like a failure. I let my anger and other people get the best of me. I let rude people who have nothing better to do then insult and purposely hurt others get me upset and hurt my feelings. I let stupid Facebook get me upset. I let petty army wives upset me... but with all of that- I showed my growth today. I made the decision today [with the suggestion from my husband] to separate myself from his military career. We talked about this and he seems to think I would be much better if I stuck to the few military wife friends I have, cut out making NEW ONES and learn to keep apart from the army life. When I posted that I felt this way [without even mentioning that it had been Rob's idea] someone I chose to delete off of Facebook decided to go and bash me on a military site, basically saying I don't support my husband and that I must have no experience with the military. I have been a spouse 3 years, gone through a deployment, training, etc. I went through this with my uncle [who raised me]- so no THIS IS NOTHING NEW TO ME! I simply feel that majority of the military wives [not all of course] should come with warning labels of being horrible mean people. I am so drained and beat up over things people have done to me [of course some things I brought upon myself so I can accept partial blame] but I don't deserve to have sensitive things [such as the fact that I'm having trouble getting pregnant] being thrown in my face. I vent in Facebook, and I probably complain a bit more then I should- hell a lot of the times I can be a major debby downer... but that doesn't give ANYONE the right to be mean or hurtful to me, all of which have been military spouses. Rob figures it's just easier for me to cut ties with the military life... and since someone decided to take my words and twist them I will explain what I mean about this.

I am the wife of a soldier but I am human. I think we all too often as military spouses feel we have a right to privileges and a pedestal that shouldn't exist. Our husbands have a job, just like a cop or fireman. Deployments suck and are hell but it comes with it. I love my husband and I love our troops- but I think its come time to set myself back as a simple Civilian. I am a wife of a man who happens to be an amazing soldier, I am not an Army Wife. It's not my job, it's not a title- it just is. So often, we judge others for complaining- we expect military spouses [and civilians] to just suck everything up and never say a word. I'm not in the army. I have a right to my feelings and my emotions and I shouldn't have to me this enormous show of strength. I am strong, but not because of the army, or army wife title- but because of my life story, because of my husband and daughter.

What I mean by stepping away from the military life is that I won't live and breathe it every second. I will continue to look at it as what it is, a job. I will look at deployments and training as part of the job. I will no longer befriend military wives [no offense to anyone] unless I somehow meet them apart from the military life. I won't shop on post unless I absolutely have to. I won't go to FRG [family readiness group] or unit functions unless my husband is required to go. I don't know if this is permanent, but for now- this is what is best for us. We are simply a family who's main provider is selfless enough to serve in the military- we aren't special... we don't deserve a special reward... but I do deserve respect just for being a good person to people. I have had enough of the put downs [probably my own fault for putting anything on Facebook but you know] made by military wives, simply because it always has to be a competition. Enough is enough- the family bond that once existed amongst the military is no longer there... My uncle has been in nearly 20 years and my aunt has never taken part in his life in the military, supported him whole-heartedly, but separated the military from regular life, and she's never had these issues. Time for me to be just like her.