100 FOLLOWERS!

YAY I FINALLY AFTER FOUR YEARS BROKE 100!!! so as soon as my hubby gets home, i'll be hosting a giveaway! I'm thinking maybe a scentsy warmer and bars :) or a 31 bag of your choice :) Let me know what you think.

HES COMING HOME!

Hubby called to tell me the good news this morning. HERE VERY VERY SOON- HE WILL BE COMING HOME! FOUR MONTHS EARLIER THAN PLANNED! OMG! OMG! OMG!

In need of your help

So on march 29th {good friday] I am doing a 5 mile walk in order to raise money for homeless people in our county. There are close to 300!!!! this will help provide shelter for those in need. I never ask for help with stuff like this but this is such an important cause as homelessness has affected people close to me! I'm not asking for you to give a ton- heck 25 cents is something, I just ask that you please look inside your heart and help people in need. This is not a scam, it's with my church- Victory Assembly of God. They will get the check then proceed to give it to the city of Hinesville for the program. Please help!! Here is the link where you can donate! any amount helps! If I can get at least 10 people to donate I will not only send out thank you cards but I will also do a giveaway as soon as the fundraiser ends!

Sunday Social

Went to church today and it was completely amazing. I feel so complete- just missing my hubby more than ever. It's the little things like his hand on mine when worship is going on or the way he puts his arm around me when we sit. I miss him so much it hurts.... Can't wait for the next few months to fly!


Anyway, head on over to A COMPLETE WASTE OF MAKEUP and link up for the sunday social!!!!

This Weeks Questions:

1. What is one movie you are terrified to watch? Anything that deals with deployment or soldiers dying. My heart just can't handle it. Especially when Rob is deployed.

2. What is one TV show you have always wanted to get into but haven’t yet? Ummmmm. Homeland. I've heard it rocks.

3. What is one daring activity on your bucket list? Obviously like most people I want to travel to Italy, but that's not really "daring" per se. So daring- I want to learn to paddle board, and I would also like to go fast fall skydiving- not tandem. 

4. Would you ever travel alone? I've dont it before and I'm not a fan but I'm an army wife, so I'm used to having to be a "big girl" and doing things on my own.

5. What activities do you like to do alone? nap, facebook, read, massages [well technically that's not alone lol] 

Another week down. Another week closer. That's what I keep telling myself to try and keep my sanity. My daughter has been so hard to deal with lately. Just not listening, back talking, pulling the whole "well you're not my daddy" bull crud! I feel like I'm at my wits ends with her. She's 4, not 14. I was not mentally prepared for the hell that would come when Rob deployed. But little by little, i'm managing. Thankfully, my parents are coming to visit from Tennessee next week and are staying a week then taking Caylee back with them for two weeks+ so I'll get a nice break of being a one kid mommy again. I'm probably going to lose my mind though. 1. She's never left me for longer than a week. 2. She's never been in another state from me- and definitely not almost 12 hours away. But I know I need this. So does she, so do my parents.

This dieting thing is hard. I swear I crave junk 24/7 and it's even worse now that I'm not cheating. It is taking all that I have to not binge in. I've been trying to replace my cravings with healthier options like fruits and veggies, dark chocolate granola bars- etc. Doesn't stop me from wanting to binge eat though. It's definitely been a huge test of my self-control. As far as exercising- I was literally incapacitated from the first day of insanity and it's taken me all week to even be able to walk. I know they say you are supposed to push through it, but my body being in that much pain was not good or normal and I am afraid I may have to find something else to get me fit aside from something that hardcore. I want to be dedicated but the fibro is too much too bare. I'm worried I could really hurt myself.


Not really sure if you guys knew about my husband having an annuity due to his father being killed in a plane crash but he does. We have been talking for months and have decided to look into getting it all now in a lump sum in order to pay off the car we just bought [and have two practically brand new cars with no payment] and put some of it towards savings and our mortgage. Financially we think it is the best option- as of now. I'm going to do more research and see what he thinks. If any of you have any experience with this, I would greatly appreciate your input.

Anyway, that's about all I have for now. I'll blog again soon.


Oh and I wanted to thank everyone for all the kind words and love through blogger, email and facebook after I blogged about living with bipolar. It was so overwhelming wonderful the support I received for something that was so incredibly hard for me to do. So thank you all.


One last thing- I am thinking about doing a giveaway when I reach 100 followers [I'm almost there :)] but would really like to know what YOU would like to see as a giveaway :) Also think about doing a swap soon- maybe pajama night or pamper night! sooon ladies soon.

Yep I'm blogging during a meltdown. And what caused my meltdown you may ask? Some stupid asshole stealing.... I have been busting my ass trying to get in shape and all I fucking wanted was a damn massage chair to relax since my husband is deployed..... Go to plug it in and some asshole stole the wall adaptor and returned it with just the car charger... Then my daughter wants to back talk and act like she has lost her brain... My songs teething...l everyone is complaining about missing their so over a weekend time frame or a month and I have another four months of this hell. I haven't been eating anything but healthy shit when all I want is n ice cold damn beer and a gallon of chocolate.... I'm angry and I ran out of my Effexor and the pharmacy was "out" to refill it.... I am sick of fucking deployment. I'm sick of being alone. I'm sick of the stress.... Ad I'm in total pyschosis mode right now...ll wooooo fucking saaaa....

Old School Blogging :)

HEAD ON OVER AND LINK UP!!!

What were you doing 10 Years Ago?

10 years ago I was 13 and living at home with my bipolar mother. That's all I really want to discuss on that one. sorry lol. 

What 5 things are on your to do list?
Go to Italy.

Build my dream house 

Build up my Blog.

Finish my degree.

Have happy, healthy, well rounded children.

What are 5 snacks you enjoy?
Now that I am on a health kick... my answers are a little different than what I would normally say.

I love anything with pesto.

I love red and purple grapes. 

pretzels.

honey nut cheerios.

veggie chips.

Name some things you would do if you were a millionaire

Build a house in the middle of nowhere.

Buy tons of horses.

take care of my mom. give her the life she deserves.

buy a house in italy to visit yearly.

Name some places you have lived
I was born in Opelousas, La. 

I grew up in Lawtell, Louisiana.

Moved to Clarksville/Fort Cambell TN/KY.

Lived in Nashville, TN.

Now I live in Hinesville GA. 

Name some bad habits you have
I'm a totally horrible person at cleaning house. I look almost like a small episode of hoarders [not really that bad but you get the point].

I suck at following through with things I start. Honestly, aside from my marriage I don't think I've done anything for longer than a few months.

I'm a little judgmental. It's a totally horrible habit.

Name some jobs you have had
Babysitter.
Sonic
Dairy Queen
Walmart
Tenn CDC as a childcare provider.

Insanity [The Insane People Workout] [my first wed. walkabout]

Head on over GI Joe's Wife and join in on the Wednesday Walkabout!!! 

Yep. You read that title right. I have started insanity. And it kicked my ass so bad I ended up hurting my neck and erasing 6 months of physical therapy and causing myself a horrible migraine! but every muscle in my body is screaming and THAT feels amazing- THAT MEANS RESULTS so I will keep at it, even after getting yelled at by my physical therapist.

I'm gonna post my results here too! I took a before picture and here it is [and i'm utterly embarassed to post it by the way lol]

I can't wait for this mommy tummy to be gone. I feel fat and gross at 23 years old. I'm ready to be fit and although my husband thinks i'm perfect, I want him to wanna jump my bones the minute he crosses that field for homecoming.

Let me just say, Insanity is not for the faint of heart. My first day I had to stop so many times. My body is screaming all over and it hurts to move but I feel great [minus my neck]... Don't do it if you aren't completely deddicated. And I can say that I probably wouldnt be doing it if I didn't have friend to do it with. It really is as INSANE as they say it is. But if you want results, You will get them through this program [well and eating right of course]. 

I'll blog again soon I promise <3 p="">

My Life With Bipolar. Finally opening up.

This is the start to my acceptance of my Bipolar and PTSD. This is me opening myself up to the blogging world and hoping I am not judged or labeled because of my finally choosing to share such a dark "secret" not very many people know about.

I always knew I was different. My whole life I knew I wasn't like my friends. My mother was a mess, always going from happy to angry to sad. My grandmother was the same. I didn't live a "normal" childhood. There is nothing normal about your mother packing the entire house away of your pictures and saying she was going to throw them in the trash when your 9 years old, then a few days later telling you are the best kid in the world. There is nothing normal about your mom randomly flipping out in public and not ever really having a reason as to why. It is just not normal.

I always had trouble with friends. From as long as I can remember- as early as my early elementary days- I was all over the place. I'd be perfectly happy then depressed and crying. Early childhood bipolar is rare- where I'm from things like this aren't "diagnosed"- we don't get on medicine. We don't go see doctors. No one wants to be "labeled".

I've had times where I have been more stable than others. I have flipped out completely, trashed my house, attempted suicide. I have struggled mostly with depression, sometimes rage... not very often happiness...

Think of it like this,  you're having dinner and you feel amazing. The food is delicious and you're perfectly full- but you decide to take that one bite of dessert and you feel sick to your stomach. That's about how long my happiness phases last without medication. Mostly I'm sad and crying... every so often I'm just pissed off.

I was originally diagnosed with Bipolar and PTSD when I was 15. Let's face it, my family wasn't very stable and I had traumatic things happen to me. It doesn't define me. It has affected me, It has caused me to lose people in my life- none of which knew I was actually diagnosed. I tried for most of my life to go without medication. When I did try medication it made me feel out of control. Dozens were tried and dozens failed to make me "normal".

About 6 months ago [around the time Rob left], I went ahead and decided to go back to a Psychiatrist after many many years of no medications [and many ups and downs in those years]. He's wonderful. He really listens. About a month or so ago, I was put on abilify in correspondance with my Fibro med/antidepressant - Effexor. I am the happiest I have ever been. I feel balanced and stable. I feel like a normal, functioning adult. For me to come out and blog about this is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I'm embarassed about this diagnosis- I feel as though people won't want to be my friend, or allow themselves to love me because of it. It hurts to hear people joke about people having bipolar and silently thinking "I really do have bipolar, and no it's not like what you are describing... and no that person isn't bipolar... and no I AM NOT CRAZY" - I just want people to understand me, to see past it, to not judge, and to love me regardless. Bipolar disorder does not define who I am as a person. and on medication, I am just as normal as you are.

I hope I won't regret this post. This by far is the most I've ever opened up about it. I am not proud, I am not looking for pity- just understanding. I want to be normal and maybe when I accept it completely, I can be.

Veering in a New Direction.

I've been contemplating deleting my blog. Just stopping it all together. But instead, I've come to the conclusion I am just going to try and head into a different direction with things. I want to talk about healthy, my spirituality, my journey to a better me. And so it begins. I'll be probably changing the name and revamping the look of things over the course of the next few weeks so bare with me. As of now I will get you guys caught up on my life.


Over the last few weeks, maybe the last month or so. I started a new medicine. It's been amazing. I feel the happiest and healthiest I think I have ever felt in my entire life. It's wonderful. I'll get more into that once I start the new part of the blog.

I began going to church again. I found a church in this little town that I absolutely love. It feels like home to me. The pastor even remembered my name and I won't lie- it caused me to burst into tears. Funny how something so small can completely change your life.

I'm trying my best to get healthy. I'm eating better [and learning as I go what is best for my body] and exercising. I'm even thinking of joining the INSANITY band wagon. I'm 170 lbs [I was 175 but I lost a few last week] and I want to get down to about 150 before my husband comes home this summer! HE thinks I'm beautiful but I'm tired of feeling like a blob of nothing.


ON ANOTHER NOTE: ROB FINALLY GOT HIS P STATUS AFTER A LONG HARD STRUGGLE WITH TRYING TO GET SENT TO A BOARD! WE ARE SO BEYOND PROUD AND HAPPY! IT IS MORE THAN DESERVED AND AS OF APRIL 1st I WILL BE THE WIFE OF A US ARMY SGT!!!!!

Happy 8 year "goodbye-versary"- The start of my Life as "Lucy"

8 years, yea- that's how long ago I left my home sweet home in Louisiana. It's when I packed up what I could in a few boxes, visited an attorney's office and moved from all I'd ever known to live with friends of the family in Tennessee. I left the boy I thought was the love of my life, my entire childhood and upbringing. That day I thought would be the worst day of my life, but little did I know at 15 years old- It would be the greatest thing to ever happen to me.

It was the start of a very long journey and quite a bit of bad that would lead me to the here and now- the wonderful man I married 5 years ago- two beautiful children. A blossomed relationship with my mother, a step-dad I adore. True friends, my life as an army wife [as hard as that life is at times]. I never imagined the fairy-tale life I live would happen because of the events on that day 8 years ago.

So many years, I used this day as a mourning for all I had "lost"... but as years have passed, I know this is where I'm supposed to be. That was the road I was supposed to be in. As much as I miss Louisiana some days, it will always be a home to me and I will always be a loud crazy cajun girl at heart. It's no more mourning- It's a celebration for what started the beautiful thing I call my life as "lucy"! <3 nbsp="" p="">

I'm Back

First off, I want to start off by saying how deeply sorry I am for such an extensive break in my blog. I've been in a rough place in my life the last few months and really, since Rob left in general. I've wanted to blog so many times but the redundancy of complaining just wasn't what I wanted to give to all of my followers. I wanted to be in a better place before I came back to this.

So now I'll kind of fill you all in on what is going on in my life.

Obviously Rob has been deployed for some time now. 6ish months to be more specific. He just came home for his 2 week R&R and is now back in Afghanistan. It was a great visit. The kids enjoyed their time with their daddy so much. He made it home just in time for Corey's 1st birthday which was just what we wanted. He missed Christmas and all that but there is just no getting Corey's 1st birthday back- HE EVEN WALKED THE DAY ROB GOT HOME! It was perfect timing.

Rob and I have grown so much as a couple. It was amazing to have him back home. We had a special date night and he got me my first pair of pearl earrings and a beautiful ring to go with it. We really were able to talk and catch up and continue learning about each other, even almost 6 years into our marriage. We discussed future plans- where we want to live if he gets out, if he is going to stay in the army or if we are going to move on in our lives. It was nice. It made me realize even more how truly the word BEST FRIEND comes into play with him. I realized yet again just how truly lucky I am to have him as my husband.

In the last few months, I've grown a lot. I've let go a lot of people who I feel were holding me back or just plainly not attributing anything positive to my life. Some people have been around for nearly my whole life, others have only been around for a season or a few seasons. I won't dwell on this subject because the hurt is gone and I've grown from the experience and decided who I need to be for myself and my family. I don't want to have to walk on eggshells, lack trust for people who are supposed to be friends, have relationships be one sided or allow anyone in my life or my family's life who cannot positively affect us. It's sometimes better to let go and move on in life and that is exactly what I have been doing.

As many of you have previously read, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia last year. It's been a hard diagnosis to deal with and finding a way to even remotely be better has been hard. Every day is a struggle. Between the depression, the loss of memory, the fatigue, the headaches, and all the other symptoms that come along with it- it's been tough. However, I'm getting there. I am not sure I really know what that means, or where "there" is- but I know that I'm finding myself, I'm coping- I am finding my strength and I am finding ways to fight the pain and not allow it to take away my joy.

I am on Effexor XR for the Fibro and it seems to help. the side effects are intimidating but me without it is even worse- and it even doubles as an anti-depressant which is even better. I was taking ambien too, but after many months - I noticed it not working. I had horrible effects from it. Having conversations and not remembering them. Waking up in the middle of the night and forgetting that I did. I became addicted to it. I wanted it during the day, I wanted to or 3 10 mg pills at night. I saw myself craving it and it scared so I completely stopped the ambien cold turkey. I went several nights without sleeping a wink. Days- around 4 to be exact- where I was up all night and all day- right around the time Robert first came home. It was terrible but I fought through it and guess what- I no longer take anything but one unisom at night to go to sleep and my overall goal is to not have to take anything to go to sleep- but that may be a little while. Next week I'll be starting my gym membership back up, cutting out caffeine and maybe even trying out a gluten free diet. All are supposed to be helpful with treating the Fibro- so wish me luck.

As for the kids, wow- they are growing like weeds. Caylee is loving Pre-k and really is just blossoming as a human being. She's so smart and really just loves with so much. She has been so strong through this deployment and is so protective of her little brother. She's still a little bummed that he can't say her name but I keep telling her, she's his favorite :) Corey is 1 now. He's walking and sooooo rambunctious. He loves his sister and his puppies and his dada. Mommy too but I'm generally the one he beats up on lol. He waves bye bye, says baba, bad bad, no, yes, blows kisses, says momma. He's a complete bottle addict. He sleeps from 530 pm to around 830 am. He loves bath time and being dirty [kinda funny to me]. He likes trucks and is ALWAYS active. Mommy is trying to turn him into a cowboy. He amazes me more and more everyday.

I know, I know. This is like an overabundance of info all at once, but I feel like I owe this much to you all. I will try my best to be more active as a blogger from now on.

Oh one more thing- I think I'm gonna give church another try. I think I've found one I could really love and one that can help me get my faith back... I'm gonna try it out this sunday and see where it leads me. I don't really have friends here anymore- my best friend moved away and my other best friend will be moving in a few months and I'm just so scared to branch out with all the crazies here- so maybe church is where I need to be. I'll let you know!!!