First off, I want to start off by saying how deeply sorry I am for such an extensive break in my blog. I've been in a rough place in my life the last few months and really, since Rob left in general. I've wanted to blog so many times but the redundancy of complaining just wasn't what I wanted to give to all of my followers. I wanted to be in a better place before I came back to this.
So now I'll kind of fill you all in on what is going on in my life.
Obviously Rob has been deployed for some time now. 6ish months to be more specific. He just came home for his 2 week R&R and is now back in Afghanistan. It was a great visit. The kids enjoyed their time with their daddy so much. He made it home just in time for Corey's 1st birthday which was just what we wanted. He missed Christmas and all that but there is just no getting Corey's 1st birthday back- HE EVEN WALKED THE DAY ROB GOT HOME! It was perfect timing.
Rob and I have grown so much as a couple. It was amazing to have him back home. We had a special date night and he got me my first pair of pearl earrings and a beautiful ring to go with it. We really were able to talk and catch up and continue learning about each other, even almost 6 years into our marriage. We discussed future plans- where we want to live if he gets out, if he is going to stay in the army or if we are going to move on in our lives. It was nice. It made me realize even more how truly the word BEST FRIEND comes into play with him. I realized yet again just how truly lucky I am to have him as my husband.
In the last few months, I've grown a lot. I've let go a lot of people who I feel were holding me back or just plainly not attributing anything positive to my life. Some people have been around for nearly my whole life, others have only been around for a season or a few seasons. I won't dwell on this subject because the hurt is gone and I've grown from the experience and decided who I need to be for myself and my family. I don't want to have to walk on eggshells, lack trust for people who are supposed to be friends, have relationships be one sided or allow anyone in my life or my family's life who cannot positively affect us. It's sometimes better to let go and move on in life and that is exactly what I have been doing.
As many of you have previously read, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia last year. It's been a hard diagnosis to deal with and finding a way to even remotely be better has been hard. Every day is a struggle. Between the depression, the loss of memory, the fatigue, the headaches, and all the other symptoms that come along with it- it's been tough. However, I'm getting there. I am not sure I really know what that means, or where "there" is- but I know that I'm finding myself, I'm coping- I am finding my strength and I am finding ways to fight the pain and not allow it to take away my joy.
I am on Effexor XR for the Fibro and it seems to help. the side effects are intimidating but me without it is even worse- and it even doubles as an anti-depressant which is even better. I was taking ambien too, but after many months - I noticed it not working. I had horrible effects from it. Having conversations and not remembering them. Waking up in the middle of the night and forgetting that I did. I became addicted to it. I wanted it during the day, I wanted to or 3 10 mg pills at night. I saw myself craving it and it scared so I completely stopped the ambien cold turkey. I went several nights without sleeping a wink. Days- around 4 to be exact- where I was up all night and all day- right around the time Robert first came home. It was terrible but I fought through it and guess what- I no longer take anything but one unisom at night to go to sleep and my overall goal is to not have to take anything to go to sleep- but that may be a little while. Next week I'll be starting my gym membership back up, cutting out caffeine and maybe even trying out a gluten free diet. All are supposed to be helpful with treating the Fibro- so wish me luck.
As for the kids, wow- they are growing like weeds. Caylee is loving Pre-k and really is just blossoming as a human being. She's so smart and really just loves with so much. She has been so strong through this deployment and is so protective of her little brother. She's still a little bummed that he can't say her name but I keep telling her, she's his favorite :) Corey is 1 now. He's walking and sooooo rambunctious. He loves his sister and his puppies and his dada. Mommy too but I'm generally the one he beats up on lol. He waves bye bye, says baba, bad bad, no, yes, blows kisses, says momma. He's a complete bottle addict. He sleeps from 530 pm to around 830 am. He loves bath time and being dirty [kinda funny to me]. He likes trucks and is ALWAYS active. Mommy is trying to turn him into a cowboy. He amazes me more and more everyday.
I know, I know. This is like an overabundance of info all at once, but I feel like I owe this much to you all. I will try my best to be more active as a blogger from now on.
Oh one more thing- I think I'm gonna give church another try. I think I've found one I could really love and one that can help me get my faith back... I'm gonna try it out this sunday and see where it leads me. I don't really have friends here anymore- my best friend moved away and my other best friend will be moving in a few months and I'm just so scared to branch out with all the crazies here- so maybe church is where I need to be. I'll let you know!!!
