Decisions

Decision:

Yep. We make about a million of them from the moment we are like able realize the things going on around us as babies. Obviously the older we get, the harder our decisions in life become. For example, as a 5 year old, one's hardest decision is deciding which toy they want to play with more- the barbie doll or the tonka truck lol. As 14, we go to high school and determine which group of people we are going to fit into. At 18 we decide on a college, in our 20s we decide on starting families or waiting as well as careers. I mean it's crazy the things we are forced to think about throughout our life.

Recently, I made the decision to take a break from school. I'm more than halfway done with an Associate's Degree in Psychology. I decided to break because I was attending school online and for me, it's just not enough. Sadly, I am now in a predicament about whether or not my degree is the right one. I was hoping to someday work with PTSD patients but after more research and the fact that we live in a black hole with limited amounts of GOOD education choices- I've decided the right decision for myself may be to in fact change my whole choice for my future.

I've been set on psychology since about 15. I knew since I left Louisiana what I wanted to focus on and why. It means the world to me. With our economy the way it is, however, as well as the lack of good colleges with a psychology program in the area I am studying- I've sort of been put in a tough spot. Either I can wait an undetermined amount of time when we PCS and hope they have an excellent school I can get my degree or I can switch my career path completely and actually build a life for myself aside from just the mommy/housewife aspect.

As much as I love my children and my husband- I want more. One day they are going to leave and I don't want to be in my late 30s questioning my choices and regretting the fact that my life passed me by and I did nothing for ME. I want more, I've always wanted more and I don't think that just because I was married at 18 and a mommy shortly after that I have to let go of the rest of my life and give up on my own dreams. I mean, what is life really without dreams of our own. My kids are going to grow up and move away, build lives of their own- my hubby will probably stay in the military [if he's able] and I will need something for me. So with these thoughts, I've decided to switch to nursing. I'm going to go talk to a career counselor and see what I need to do to get on the right path. I plan on waiting til at least next august or so [when caylee starts pre-k] before I actually going back to school but I figure a start is something. Getting educated about my choices and getting the steps in place to take. I'm hoping to either double major or minor in psychology and who knows, maybe someday I will be a psychiatric nurse. I need something for me and I don't want to wait til my kids are grown to do it. Wish me luck =]

ITS OFFICIAL!

MY HUSBAND'S BATTALION'S DEPLOYMENT ORDERS HAVE BEEN CANCELED! THEY ARE NOW NO LONGER DEPLOYING TO IRAQ AS SCHEDULED IN NOVEMBER AND HE WILL BE HERE FOR THE BIRTH OF OUR SON! EXCUSE THE CAPS BUT OMG OMG OMG OMG!

Cupcake Crybaby!

Seriously- the title says it all! I was eating cupcakes and balling my eyes out. Here is the chain of events:

Today was a little rough. My 3 year old little girl has been a monster child today. She's usually seriously PERFECT. She's such a good child- almost creepily good. Today, however, she was a demon on meth [okay maybe not that bad but OMG she tested me] She was put in timeout THREE TIMES in less than 2 hours [that's like a record, she's not even been in time out that many times in one day before] and then she was sent to bed over an hour early because she decided to throw a hissy fit at dinner then fling food at me. My heart was literally broken because I've never had to be "mean mommy" with her. Usually she gets it the first time and for the most part doesn't do it again. I was already a bit sad about this. So hubby suggested us making cupcakes [when do cupcakes not make the world a better place?] and this is where the real fun began.

As I was giving him the list of what I was lacking in my cupcake making rendezvous, I specifically asked him to make sure NOT to get WHIPPED frosting- it literally makes me sick to my stomach. He goes to the store and what does he bring home- WHIPPED FREAKING FROSTING! I bake the cupcakes and figure WTH cupcakes are cupcakes. Later on when they are ready and frosted and I take a bite I literally start crying my eyes out because they are so gross [as I said- I HATE WHIPPED FROSTING] and yelling about how he couldn't even care enough to just get the right dang frosting- that he was selfish and inconsiderate! Yep I did it. I had a completely Psycho prego hormone meltdown over a dang cupcake. I'm mortified and that I acted that way just makes me want to crawl under a shell and cry some more. DANG YOU STUPID CUPCAKES AND STUPID HORMONES! WAAAAAHHHHH

"My Way or No Way"- PYHO

I'm stubborn and sometimes a know it all. I admit that. Sometimes I get a little [lot] pushy when I know I am right or if I feel extremely strong about something. However, I do try to respect others and not be a complete and total "WENCH" when I am trying to get my opinions or beliefs across....


Now the reason I say that first is because some people don't feel the same. They are rude and mean to ANYONE who has a different opinion than them. Here is what i'm talking about:

I had a hard time breastfeeding my daughter. She was born early and spent several hours in the nursery so I was not able to nurse right away with her. It literally broke my heart when I gave up attempting to breastfeed and so many times since then I've had people say things such as "Well you just gave up to easily, you weren't determined to give your child the best thing for her" [MY INTERPRETATION:  "You're lazy and you suck at parenting because you wanted to shove formula down her throat, therefore setting her up to die at an early age because everyone knows breast is best!" or things like "You just didn't have a clue what you were doing and wanted to take the easy way out." [MY INTERPRETATION: You're an idiot who was more concerned with getting a "break" from your crying infant than doing what everyone knows is the one and only way to be a good parent

Okay okay. So now that I covered that part, I'll move on to the next:

So I was a part of this group "Breastfeeding Moms; Past Present Future" or something similar to that on FB [oh god- yes I joined groups on FB other than selling sites- WHAT AN IDIOT lol]. I'm going to start off by saying it was great at first. You see, since I'm almost at the end of this pregnancy with my son, I'm DETERMINED to breastfeed first year of Corey's life- not that I regret formula feeding my daughter or that I bash any mom that does choose to formula feed but simply because I want the experience I was unable to have with my daughter. Okay so anyway- Not only is breastfeeding talked about but occasionally mom's will ask for advice. One mother posted about how she tried the CIO [cry it out] method and it just wasn't for her. Several moms posted their experiences with it, some for it, some against it. I decided to share my experience which consisted of something like this:

My husband deployed shortly after our daughter was born [well at 5 months but with the training before he was only home about 2 months of that 5] and the only way I felt I could keep my sanity and to get things done with no help [I had no family or friends at that time really so I was on my own and the one person I trusted to watch my daughter so I could have a break, I ended up catching getting SHWASTED with my daughter asleep on the floor] was to sometimes let her cry it out. It worked for us. She would never cry longer than 10 or 15 minutes and quickly she learned to self-sooth. I also stated that although I may or may not use it with this child, it is not for everyone nor for every child- that you have to pick and choose what works best. For my daughter, it happened to work but for others it's simply not an option and it happened to keep me sane at a time I very much needed to be sane.

So from this post, this VERY RUDE girl posted about how I was lazy and a terrible mother. That my daughter will end up "fucked in the head" because I would not pick her up [mind you as I said previously, she NEVER cried more than 15 minutes and this only lasted a few times] and then she continued on to say that someone should take my child from me and any other parent who allows their child to self-soothe or cry it out. She then begins to imply that this should also be the same for parents who do not EBF [exclusively breastfeed]. Can we say I sent her a PM [I was simply not going to take part in a public argument on a FB group] telling her that I really felt sorry for the fact that she was so uneducated and so set in her ways that she saw only her own beliefs and views on parenting as the RIGHT way. I then proceeded to tell her to contact me in about 10 years and we'll compare the way our children act and see if me allowing my daughter to cry it out really screwed her up emotionally and mentally. To anyone who knows me personally and who knows my daughter, you are probably laughing your butts off now. My daughter is the sweetest, most loving little girl I know. She is extremely advanced and intelligent for her age and the only "attachment" issues she has comes from the fact that her father is a soldier who has had to miss out on a huge part of her life- so therefore when he leaves for longer than a week, she has a hard time adjusting- but tell me what military child is NOT that exact same way. And the older she gets, the better she gets at handling people leaving- the more ways I can show her that they come back.

So the just of this post: Not only do you prove your stupidity when you fight with people to say that your way is the only way, but you make them even less likely to see your point of view.

Up In The Air.

Well I attended my first FRG meeting since Rob has been on the division honor guard [umm over a year and a half now lol] only to be told that now they don't know for sure if any of the battalion is deploying. We are waiting to hear from Iraq and the president- for Iraq to decide whether or not they would like more troops or if they want to just simply take it down to around 3000. Basically if the answer is YES they want more, Rob will be deploying for a year. It went from us knowing that he was leaving by the end of November [even the connexes were packed up to ship their things off] to not knowing if they are going at all. I have to admit I'm a little frustrating. I know with the Army things change constantly but I finally had it in my head that i was going to be having our baby boy on my own- I had my birthing plans all in a row and now I don't have a clue and being the control freak I am. THIS DRIVES ME BONKERS lol. I guess we will know what's going on when it happens.

As for lately, well things have been great. We just had our formal for Battalion and had the BEST time ever. After the terrible experience I had with his terrible unit at FCKY I have really been adamant about not having anything to do with FRG ran activities or anything to do with the honor-guard wives but I have to say it was probably the most fun night I've had since I've been here and I really adore our little family on the honor guard. It's a small little group which makes it amazing. All the wives are sweet and we all get along so well. The guys all are very much a like and they get along extremely well. It's definitely got that family vibe to it- what i've longed for since marrying my husband. It was a blast, below I'll post a few pics =]

I am 26 weeks today. ONLY 98 DAYS UNTIL MY DUE DATE! A little over 3 months- it's scary and exciting and so many things wrapped into one. I am so excited to finally meet our beautiful baby boy and even more excited now that there is hope Rob will get to meet him right away too! Caylee is so happy to be a big sister- she even carries an ultrasound picture around in her "wallet" of "HER" Corey Michael! Dec/Jan CANNOT COME SOON ENOUGH =]



and here are some pics =]

The guys doing there thing. As usual they got so much praise for their "perfect performance"! Rob's 3rd from the right =] 

Beautiful Ball pic taken by A. Currin Photography. 

The hubby being silly with his HG brother. 

My love and I. 

The beautiful Erica 

Some of the HG wives <3 Erica, Me, Tiffany, and Sarah

And I just had to throw in a pic of my little camera ham. Isn't she perfect =]