My Own Personal Heaven

I just have to start off by saying- IT IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING HAVING HIM HOME! its been a week and a day since he stepped off that plane and since that moment its been pure heaven. I forgot just how much he makes me laugh. I forgot just how truly happy I am when he's home-even when he annoys the heck out of me. It's crazy to think that a whole year of our life went buy. a year with no hugs or kisses. A year alone [well at least alone besides for the people around us lol] I find it so great that we constantly say to each other "Baby, you are my best friend" and mean it each and every time. We stayed up last night for hours just lying in bed talking to each other and getting to know each other all over again. We've both changed so much yet our love for each other remains the same. Heck i dont even know if I can say that- if anything it has grown a million times stronger. People search an entire lifetime to find what Rob and I have with each other. That unconditional, unimaginable, unbreakable, romantic, undying love. And dont get me wrong-we argue, we want to kill each other [not literally] but at the end of the day -or should i say 5 minutes lol-- we're back to laughing and cutting up again. He's truly everything I could have ever hoped for in a husband and in a father for our daughter.

I wish I could capture every single moment between rob, caylee, and myself because I know people probably think I am one of these women who feels the need to pretend she's happy and so in love... I have had so many people say to me "There is no way in the world you are as happy in your marriage as you claim to be." Well do you want my honest answer?!? HELL YES I AM!!!! does that mean we dont have problems-no. does that mean i dont want to kick his ass-NO! but let me tell you one thing. I WOULD BE NOTHING WITHOUT MY ROBERT AND DAUGHTER! and the funny thing is that Rob proves time and time again that he truly is my only true friend in this world. The only person who gets me. Who never judges me or bad mouths me behind me back. He loves me for me-the good and the bad. He spoils me rotten... he supports me in everything I do and isnt afraid to tell me like it is. He has been my rock through every disappointment and mountain I have had to climb and thats more I can say for anyone else in my life. And dont get me wrong I love my family to death- especially my 2 moms and my papa and aunt marcia and uncle mike. They have been a great support system and always help me out of sticky situations-but its not the same as rob. It's nice to know that I have something permanent in my life-not just someone [like friends ive had] who are just there while its convenient for them then walk out of the picture. I can always depend on the fact that rob wont disappoint me. That he wont ever walk out on me. OR OUR DAUGHTER! and that is something that most married women usually dont have... so everyday i wake up i will remember to count my blessings that i married someone so amazing. THAT GOD SENT HIM TO ME AT THE MOST CRUCIAL POINT OF MY LIFE! I can honestly say i mean it when i say I AM THE LUCKIEST WOMAN IN THE WORD! and i have to thank this deployment for letting me see that.

thanks for reading <3
Ashley L

ITS OVER!!!

Wow is all I Can think to say! Yesterday the love of my life walked off that plane and into my arms and it was the greatest day of my life aside from our wedding day and our daughter being born. A YEAR LONG WAIT! A year of loneliness and heartache from missing him. A year of my daughter being without her daughter and me being without my better half and its all over now and I feel like I am in heaven. The wait and the stupid delays this past week nearly killed me. I am not one for patience... I am not one for being calm about stressful situations... but I can say that now that all of that horrible waiting is over- IT WAS ALLLLLLL WORTH IT!

the clocks a ticking

Wow I can not believe it. 344 days down of this deployment and only 6 more to go...

Boy oh Boy does that sound amazing. I mean to think that 344 days ago i watched the love of my life walk away-a heartwrenching feeling inside... as if i were dying... and wondering how in the hell i would ever get through the year without him... To sit here now and know that WE BEAT THIS and we have a stronger relationship than ever just gives me the hugest sense of pride and makes me feel so happy with myself and with our marriage. ITS OVER! those are the two words i have been waiting to say all year long... and to think that at this exaxt time next saturday i will be lying in bed with the love of my life again just how it should be.

I just want to tell everyone who has never gone through a deployment a few things...

Even though it seems like the world is coming to an end when he leaves-its really not and the first week is DEFINATELY hardest besides the waiting game during the last week.

TIME REALLY DOES FLY BY [well until the end-then it crawls]

Dont expect every aspect of your relationship to remain the same because it doesnt. We all change during this period. For Rob and I it was for the better. We both grew up alot and matured and became better spouses for one another and parents for our little girl.

It's a long and hard road but oh my God is it worth it!


So i'll probably post a few more times this week because i'll be so utterly bored and miserable with myself as time c.r.e.e.p.s through the week... ill do lots of complaining about how i just want him home NOW! And on homecoming day-ill have me and caylee decked out in our AWESOME homecoming shirts and our huge 3X7 foot sign! getting all giddy and filled with butterflies... i feel like throwing up just thinking about it. IM READY TO HAVE MY MR. AMAZING HOME AT LAST! WHOO WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

ASHLEY L

just a little something i wanted to share.

so i had a conversation on facebook with a new army wife today. She made the comment

"girl your so much stronger than am at this point,im dreading when he leaves on the first for deployment"

and i just wanted to share these words i shared with her. i figured they could help some other girls too.

"you never know how strong you are until being strong is all youve got. rob's my best friend and if anything ever happened to him id die... but i have no choice but to be strong for him and for our daughter. its not an option to be weak. you know when im weak. in the shower when i think about how we never shower alone when he's home. or at night before bed when i think about how he should be home holding me so i can fall asleep. its a hard life-some can last in their marriages as a military couple-but most cant. im one of the lucky ones... its made us stronger... no one said this life was easy-and there are times i just want to say fuck it and walk away. but i could never live a life without him. we've been going strong for 2 years and have forever left to go.never doubt your strength... cry yell hit something... but that doesnt mean youre weak... only that you have emotions... i dread when rob left too... our daughter was only 5 months old when he left and now she is 16 months... she couldnt even sit up alone and now she's running all over the place-saying please and thank you... its hard... and there were times when he'd call me bauling his eyes out-saying baby im a horrible husband and father... and for his sake i held it in and comforted him because it wasnt about me- in that moment he needed me and youll realize when he's gone that you need to be strong for him because your strength will play a huge part on HIS STRENGTH and without his strength he'll never make him home alive... so when you feel the pain and feel like you are dying inside while you are talking to him-you hold it in... dont shed a tear... because he'll spend his time worrying about you instead of the mission ahead... and the minute you hang up that phone thats when you crumble-and thats ok... any wife who says she doesnt fall apart is a damn liar... you can and will get through it I PROMISE! just be thankful for every single moment you have with him and know that in the end you have something with him that most couples dont have in the "normal" world..."

Ashley L <3

At the End.

So In about a week Rob will be home from Iraq. And I just can't believe it. I am a bundle of nerves-

What will it be like when he gets home? Will things be the same? Will he still be my sweet, romantic robert? Will we fight all the time? Will he wish he didnt come back home?

Yea Yea I know I'm probably being paranoid but I have heard horror stories about other couples-I mean geez-just in this year alone his company had about 8 people [give or take a few] get divorced- I MEAN COME ON PEOPLE?!?!?!

It's been such a long year-I mean time really flew by but to think that a whole year has gone by-Caylee couldn't even sit up alone when he left and now she says actual words and RUNS! It's heart-wrenching to think he's missed everything. He's going to come home and I'm gonna have to let go of doing EVERYTHING for her. I'll have to share and I don't know how to lol.

Look at me complaining- I know the minute I see him and he sees me it'll be like he was never gone-That's how it was on R&R in july/august- Like nothing ever changed- That is exactly how i hope it'll be when he gets home from deployment. We just tend to adapt well to any obstacle that comes our way. All i know is that I CAN NOT WAIT! to think that this time next week he will be home and we'll be getting things ready to PCS to Georgia-It's just unfathomable.... I am a bundle of nerves and I feel so overwhelmed and the fact that time is dragging is driving me absolutely BANANAS! [yes i totally was singing the banana song as i was spelling that lol]

WHOOP!! WHOOP!! I will keep you all posted!

The Beginning Story

Just wanted to start off this first blog with a little information for those of you who dont know me.

About the Woman Behind the Man:
My name is Ashley-Wife, Mother, Former Foster Child, Opinionated, Stubborn, Reliable, Intelligent, STRONG!, a bit bitchy at times. and the list could go on & on

Married in November 2007 to the true definition of a Knight in Shining Armor. My Robert. Together we have a beautiful little girl named Caylee who was born in August 2008. Those two are my entire world. They have taught me so much about myself. I would be nothing without the two of them.

I have a wonderful foster family that consists of Mom, Papa, two sisters [11 & 9] and a little brother [5]. I also have my mother who i just recently began to build a relationship again. thats another story that needs to remain in the past.

About The Hero:
His name is Robert. He has a twin who he doesnt speak to anymore. He doesnt talk to his family anymore either because of horrible things they did to him.

Rob is strong, sweet, organized, funny, romantic, an AMAZING FATHER. great at his job, loving, driven, and PERFECT [ha ha ask me that when he annoys me lmao] He's my prince charming...


About the Princess:
Caylee came into the world August 2008- she was a whopping 5.15 lbs and 19 1/2 inches long and our little bundle of joy. She slept through the night as soon as we got home. She hardly ever cried and pretty much is still that way [minus the tantrums that are normal for 16 months olds lol]

She is a ball of fire-always laughing but not afraid to let you know if she's upset with you or when she wants something. She is rambunctious and full of energy. She keeps me on my toes but is my entire life! She changed us both for the better.


Well i think that pretty much covers it-just an over view... any questions just ask lol.


Ashley L.