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| Boots as "Batdog" & Caylee as "Batgirl" =] |
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Halloween
Well we took our 2 year old trick or treating- we went down one street and she was done. It was definitely a huge hit though- Her being bat girl and our 2 year old Australian Shepherd being Bat Dog! Everyone LOVED it!
We came home thinking we'd find the candy we'd left out on the front porch completely gone... none had even been touched. Our neighbor than tells my husband "You guys bought candy? We've been here 3 years and no one ever comes down here since it's just a culdesac with really no surrounding houses!" I was thinking to myself, No of course we don't know that seeing as you're always rude and we've only been here 6 months and only 2 other neighbors have made the effort to introduce themselves. Anyway. Her kids came over and got some of the THREE [$8 a piece] bags of the candy we bought. I'm afraid we shall have LOTS of leftover candy left in the house- Not what I need when I'm already want to eat chocolate 24/7. Guess I'll shove it to the kids coming over for our first ever "Lucy" Halloween Party! Overall it was an okay day... Can't wait til Caylee is actually old enough to ENJOY the fun =]
About New Blog Name
So I am sure everyone's like, umm- your name is Ashley not LUCY! lol... Our last name is sometimes hard to pronounce. We've been called some of the most off the wall things! Last year, while Rob was in Iraq, the guys just gave up on trying to get it right and began calling him "Lucy" for short. So with opsec, and of course me not wanting to have just anyone know our last name, the hubby thought it would be cute to have almost an "alter ego" type blog. It'll still be the same type, all about my life and experiences but I just thought that with me stepping back from military life, Life as "Lucy" would be perfect! So no confusion lol... Enjoy loves!
Friday, October 29, 2010
FFI # 2 =]
1. What’s the nicest thing a stranger has ever done for you?
There are so many things.. I mean I was a foster kid so my foster parent[s] were all strangers in the beginning and aside from one awful set of parents [my last set] they all took me in when I had nothing and no one to turn to and treated me like family.
There are so many things.. I mean I was a foster kid so my foster parent[s] were all strangers in the beginning and aside from one awful set of parents [my last set] they all took me in when I had nothing and no one to turn to and treated me like family.
Another thing, actually happened today. My husband and I went to lunch with our daughter. Rob had just gotten released from work and still had his ACU's on. While eating, a man randomly came up to us, shook Rob's hand and thanked him for his service to our country. He walked out and drove away. About 5 minutes later, the waiter came up to us and told us the guy had taken care of our meal [about 60 dollars worth of seafood]. I couldn't help but tear up at the thought that people still are appreciative of what he does.
2. If you are having a hard time going to sleep, what do you do to help yourself?
Take a ton of melatonin and a hot bath... sometimes it helps, others I'm up all night.
3. Name something that makes you wish you were a kid again.
Nothing. I had an absolutely traumatic childhood that I would never want to relive. I am happy where I am in my life
2. If you are having a hard time going to sleep, what do you do to help yourself?
Take a ton of melatonin and a hot bath... sometimes it helps, others I'm up all night.
3. Name something that makes you wish you were a kid again.
Nothing. I had an absolutely traumatic childhood that I would never want to relive. I am happy where I am in my life
4. What is something you never believed until you experienced it?
in real love. In marriages lasting. In not having abusive relationships. As I said- rocky childhood.
5. What can’t you say “no” to?
My daughter. She's just too darn cute to say no!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
A lie Never Lives to Be Old.
The title says it all I suppose... The wonderful Sophocles stated that... and how useful it is to me tonight! I guess I should give you a little background information.
Rob and I had a rocky start- put it this way, he wasn't completely honest with me about the fact that he had a girlfriend back home when we started dating. He had once been engaged to her but when that didn't work out, the relationship kind of hit a dead in road and rather than just break up with her, because of the distance he thought it would be easier to just not say a word. So we can establish that our relationship was originally not built on trust- but hey, what relationship doesn't have its faults. We had a rocky first year of marriage as well, with me not having any trust for him at all, and him trying to earn my trust but never getting an inch. It was far from paradise- or even close to where we are now in our marriage.
In September of 2008, only a month after our daughter was born, Rob went to NTC in California with his unit at the time to train for deployment. One day I get a message in my truth box on myspace [yes it was back in THOSE days] asking me if I would want to know if my husband had cheated on me and that the person had proof. Of course, my first instinct was to completely fall apart--- I was devastated... I didn't know what to think- I had no way to talk to him, because at that point of their NTC they were in their 2 weeks "blackout". I called all the wives of the soldiers Rob worked with looking for answers, well at least the ones I knew would be involved [YEP THEY WERE THOSE KIND OF WOMEN] and eventually word gets around that a picture was taking of Robert kissing another woman and a picture of Rob on a trash detail sleeping with a woman's head on his chest. For the second one, I hope no one takes offense but I knew it was not real because of the simple fact Rob is not attracted to African American women, they are simply not his type. The other pictures, which I never have seen was supposedly in fact the real picture. I immediately got a confession out of the guy who took the pic of Rob in the truck that the did it as a joke and that he didn't mean to cause any problems- so no biggy. As word of the other picture spreads around, I find out his SGT actually was the one who took this "supposed" picture.
I never did find out the truth about the picture, and no one produced it. The people who we did not get along with all said it was real, but the people who were close friends with us all said it was not. So of course I was torn in what to believe, especially with our trust issues in the past. Rob swore on Caylee's life that it was never anything, that the most he did was talk to a medic there [who one of his unit friends was dating with] and so I dropped it....
Here we are over 2 years later, at 2 am- and I finally get the truth. The picture was not real. There was a picture but it was a picture of Rob, and 3 other guys smoking and talking to the medic girl. They weren't touching, it was nothing sexual... And the NCO who took the picture thought it was funny and was laughing about how he was gonna shake up the marriages of some of his guys with this picture... Now while I am partly to blame for me not trusting robert when I should have, it sickens me that someone like this can lie and hurt people and get away with it. He purposely told certain wives, knowing they would come back to me- possibly making the situation into something bigger than it was. He said he was "sorry" and as much as I want to forgive him, I'd also like to ruin his military career and spit in his face! This obstacle was such a HUGE barrier for Rob and myself. I spent countless nights heartbroken over the fact that i thought Rob was still lying to me. Up until about a June of last year, I really didn't believe him... I just don't understand why anyone could think someone's marriage is something to play with- yes i was young and maybe immature--- but that hurts... and to wait TWO YEARS to tell the truth! It just disgusts me... but in the same note--- Here we are, about to mark our 3rd wedding anniversary and i trust him more than anything and he feels the same about me... so maybe- it was a blessing in disguise.
Rob and I had a rocky start- put it this way, he wasn't completely honest with me about the fact that he had a girlfriend back home when we started dating. He had once been engaged to her but when that didn't work out, the relationship kind of hit a dead in road and rather than just break up with her, because of the distance he thought it would be easier to just not say a word. So we can establish that our relationship was originally not built on trust- but hey, what relationship doesn't have its faults. We had a rocky first year of marriage as well, with me not having any trust for him at all, and him trying to earn my trust but never getting an inch. It was far from paradise- or even close to where we are now in our marriage.
In September of 2008, only a month after our daughter was born, Rob went to NTC in California with his unit at the time to train for deployment. One day I get a message in my truth box on myspace [yes it was back in THOSE days] asking me if I would want to know if my husband had cheated on me and that the person had proof. Of course, my first instinct was to completely fall apart--- I was devastated... I didn't know what to think- I had no way to talk to him, because at that point of their NTC they were in their 2 weeks "blackout". I called all the wives of the soldiers Rob worked with looking for answers, well at least the ones I knew would be involved [YEP THEY WERE THOSE KIND OF WOMEN] and eventually word gets around that a picture was taking of Robert kissing another woman and a picture of Rob on a trash detail sleeping with a woman's head on his chest. For the second one, I hope no one takes offense but I knew it was not real because of the simple fact Rob is not attracted to African American women, they are simply not his type. The other pictures, which I never have seen was supposedly in fact the real picture. I immediately got a confession out of the guy who took the pic of Rob in the truck that the did it as a joke and that he didn't mean to cause any problems- so no biggy. As word of the other picture spreads around, I find out his SGT actually was the one who took this "supposed" picture.
I never did find out the truth about the picture, and no one produced it. The people who we did not get along with all said it was real, but the people who were close friends with us all said it was not. So of course I was torn in what to believe, especially with our trust issues in the past. Rob swore on Caylee's life that it was never anything, that the most he did was talk to a medic there [who one of his unit friends was dating with] and so I dropped it....
Here we are over 2 years later, at 2 am- and I finally get the truth. The picture was not real. There was a picture but it was a picture of Rob, and 3 other guys smoking and talking to the medic girl. They weren't touching, it was nothing sexual... And the NCO who took the picture thought it was funny and was laughing about how he was gonna shake up the marriages of some of his guys with this picture... Now while I am partly to blame for me not trusting robert when I should have, it sickens me that someone like this can lie and hurt people and get away with it. He purposely told certain wives, knowing they would come back to me- possibly making the situation into something bigger than it was. He said he was "sorry" and as much as I want to forgive him, I'd also like to ruin his military career and spit in his face! This obstacle was such a HUGE barrier for Rob and myself. I spent countless nights heartbroken over the fact that i thought Rob was still lying to me. Up until about a June of last year, I really didn't believe him... I just don't understand why anyone could think someone's marriage is something to play with- yes i was young and maybe immature--- but that hurts... and to wait TWO YEARS to tell the truth! It just disgusts me... but in the same note--- Here we are, about to mark our 3rd wedding anniversary and i trust him more than anything and he feels the same about me... so maybe- it was a blessing in disguise.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
NEW BLOG NAME SUGGESTiONS
So since my husband and I made the decision to separate his Army career from our family life, I feel that my blog title is a bit out of the loop now. I really am stuck and can't come up with something catchy. If you have any suggestions, please let me know! =] THANKS IN ADVANCE
Phantom
So I woke up from a nap and hubby was watching "Ultimate Factories" on National Geographic. I am not a very materialistic person. I mean my first car EVER was an "army" green 04 dodge caravan and I loved it. We had it for 3 years and as things started to break with it, Rob and I decided to trade it in for a 2010 Chevy Malibu... nice but you know- there is always better, but I LOVE MY CAR....
Watching this show, I found a goal I want to work towards. I'll probably never reach it, but it'll be fun! They were custom building Phantom Royce's and I must say I'm in love. I've seen them before and never really cared much but seeing this show and the love and work that goes behind the company for this car just completely had ME falling in love... Again, I'm not materialistic BUT I WANT ONE! lol. I'm just about umm.... $500,000 short! lmao. I've decided I want it in pink & white! Yes I said it! I WANT I WANT I WANT! lol... okay, I'm done being a brat... and for those who haven't seen it before... here's a Phantom in white...
Watching this show, I found a goal I want to work towards. I'll probably never reach it, but it'll be fun! They were custom building Phantom Royce's and I must say I'm in love. I've seen them before and never really cared much but seeing this show and the love and work that goes behind the company for this car just completely had ME falling in love... Again, I'm not materialistic BUT I WANT ONE! lol. I'm just about umm.... $500,000 short! lmao. I've decided I want it in pink & white! Yes I said it! I WANT I WANT I WANT! lol... okay, I'm done being a brat... and for those who haven't seen it before... here's a Phantom in white...
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| Here is the 2010 Phantom in White =] |
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| This is the 2010 model of the Ghost and I LOVE IT! AHHH Something Else I am completely love with. This is Elton John's Car. Not quite sure what year it is, but its definitely an older model of the phantom [in pink and white of course]! I'd totally just take his =] |
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Goodbye To You
Today, I feel like a failure. I let my anger and other people get the best of me. I let rude people who have nothing better to do then insult and purposely hurt others get me upset and hurt my feelings. I let stupid Facebook get me upset. I let petty army wives upset me... but with all of that- I showed my growth today. I made the decision today [with the suggestion from my husband] to separate myself from his military career. We talked about this and he seems to think I would be much better if I stuck to the few military wife friends I have, cut out making NEW ONES and learn to keep apart from the army life. When I posted that I felt this way [without even mentioning that it had been Rob's idea] someone I chose to delete off of Facebook decided to go and bash me on a military site, basically saying I don't support my husband and that I must have no experience with the military. I have been a spouse 3 years, gone through a deployment, training, etc. I went through this with my uncle [who raised me]- so no THIS IS NOTHING NEW TO ME! I simply feel that majority of the military wives [not all of course] should come with warning labels of being horrible mean people. I am so drained and beat up over things people have done to me [of course some things I brought upon myself so I can accept partial blame] but I don't deserve to have sensitive things [such as the fact that I'm having trouble getting pregnant] being thrown in my face. I vent in Facebook, and I probably complain a bit more then I should- hell a lot of the times I can be a major debby downer... but that doesn't give ANYONE the right to be mean or hurtful to me, all of which have been military spouses. Rob figures it's just easier for me to cut ties with the military life... and since someone decided to take my words and twist them I will explain what I mean about this.
I am the wife of a soldier but I am human. I think we all too often as military spouses feel we have a right to privileges and a pedestal that shouldn't exist. Our husbands have a job, just like a cop or fireman. Deployments suck and are hell but it comes with it. I love my husband and I love our troops- but I think its come time to set myself back as a simple Civilian. I am a wife of a man who happens to be an amazing soldier, I am not an Army Wife. It's not my job, it's not a title- it just is. So often, we judge others for complaining- we expect military spouses [and civilians] to just suck everything up and never say a word. I'm not in the army. I have a right to my feelings and my emotions and I shouldn't have to me this enormous show of strength. I am strong, but not because of the army, or army wife title- but because of my life story, because of my husband and daughter.
What I mean by stepping away from the military life is that I won't live and breathe it every second. I will continue to look at it as what it is, a job. I will look at deployments and training as part of the job. I will no longer befriend military wives [no offense to anyone] unless I somehow meet them apart from the military life. I won't shop on post unless I absolutely have to. I won't go to FRG [family readiness group] or unit functions unless my husband is required to go. I don't know if this is permanent, but for now- this is what is best for us. We are simply a family who's main provider is selfless enough to serve in the military- we aren't special... we don't deserve a special reward... but I do deserve respect just for being a good person to people. I have had enough of the put downs [probably my own fault for putting anything on Facebook but you know] made by military wives, simply because it always has to be a competition. Enough is enough- the family bond that once existed amongst the military is no longer there... My uncle has been in nearly 20 years and my aunt has never taken part in his life in the military, supported him whole-heartedly, but separated the military from regular life, and she's never had these issues. Time for me to be just like her.
I am the wife of a soldier but I am human. I think we all too often as military spouses feel we have a right to privileges and a pedestal that shouldn't exist. Our husbands have a job, just like a cop or fireman. Deployments suck and are hell but it comes with it. I love my husband and I love our troops- but I think its come time to set myself back as a simple Civilian. I am a wife of a man who happens to be an amazing soldier, I am not an Army Wife. It's not my job, it's not a title- it just is. So often, we judge others for complaining- we expect military spouses [and civilians] to just suck everything up and never say a word. I'm not in the army. I have a right to my feelings and my emotions and I shouldn't have to me this enormous show of strength. I am strong, but not because of the army, or army wife title- but because of my life story, because of my husband and daughter.
What I mean by stepping away from the military life is that I won't live and breathe it every second. I will continue to look at it as what it is, a job. I will look at deployments and training as part of the job. I will no longer befriend military wives [no offense to anyone] unless I somehow meet them apart from the military life. I won't shop on post unless I absolutely have to. I won't go to FRG [family readiness group] or unit functions unless my husband is required to go. I don't know if this is permanent, but for now- this is what is best for us. We are simply a family who's main provider is selfless enough to serve in the military- we aren't special... we don't deserve a special reward... but I do deserve respect just for being a good person to people. I have had enough of the put downs [probably my own fault for putting anything on Facebook but you know] made by military wives, simply because it always has to be a competition. Enough is enough- the family bond that once existed amongst the military is no longer there... My uncle has been in nearly 20 years and my aunt has never taken part in his life in the military, supported him whole-heartedly, but separated the military from regular life, and she's never had these issues. Time for me to be just like her.
Friday, October 15, 2010
The little things
So as those of you who have been following me for a while know, we bought our first house in April... I really haven't been too happy about it [especially with all the trouble we've had since we closed on it]. Today, however, I really kind of grew to love my house.
Rob's parents sent us all their Halloween decorations. Mind you, both their boys are grown and out of the house. They are in their 40's and really don't feel the need to decorate anymore. So his step-dad, Artie, sent us 2 HUGE boxes filled with everything from netting, to spiders, to lights, to tombstones and cauldrons. It got here today at 230 and while Rob wanted to wait I was just too excited to wait, so we spent a good 2 1/2 hours plastering the front of our cute little house with spiders and spider webs, bats and cut off hands, and a huge 8 foot blow up ghost. It was quite fun and the first time we have ever really decorated aside from Christmas. It really made this house feel like "OURS" and as I stepped back to look at our awesome team work, I couldn't help but smile and nearly cry at all the things we have already accomplished in our lives. I know he's in the army and it's pretty much easy [or so we get told all the time] but it feels good you know. We don't depend on anyone for anything [well aside for decorations lol] we've made our house a home all by ourselves and it feels good. Ahhh does it feel good. Well anyway- just wanted to share some pics with you of our house... it looks much better at night but I haven't uploaded those pics yet. So here's just a quick glimpse lol.
Rob's parents sent us all their Halloween decorations. Mind you, both their boys are grown and out of the house. They are in their 40's and really don't feel the need to decorate anymore. So his step-dad, Artie, sent us 2 HUGE boxes filled with everything from netting, to spiders, to lights, to tombstones and cauldrons. It got here today at 230 and while Rob wanted to wait I was just too excited to wait, so we spent a good 2 1/2 hours plastering the front of our cute little house with spiders and spider webs, bats and cut off hands, and a huge 8 foot blow up ghost. It was quite fun and the first time we have ever really decorated aside from Christmas. It really made this house feel like "OURS" and as I stepped back to look at our awesome team work, I couldn't help but smile and nearly cry at all the things we have already accomplished in our lives. I know he's in the army and it's pretty much easy [or so we get told all the time] but it feels good you know. We don't depend on anyone for anything [well aside for decorations lol] we've made our house a home all by ourselves and it feels good. Ahhh does it feel good. Well anyway- just wanted to share some pics with you of our house... it looks much better at night but I haven't uploaded those pics yet. So here's just a quick glimpse lol.
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| Our cool spiders in their web |
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| Far off view |
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| our Awesome ghost aka GANGSTA GHOST lol |
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| our door stickers, little lady [which will hold dry ice on halloween] & Note the hands on the chair lol |
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| Our coffee table lol |
MilSpouse Friday Fill- 1=]
So this is officially my first Friday Fill-in! I figured, WHAT THE HEY?! Why not?! So here you go =]
4. What is your favorite kind of pizza?
5. What are three good things in your life right now?
I have so many so that makes it hard to just pick a few... I definitely want to stand on the steps of the Colosseum in Rome. I want to skydive with my husband [yes typical bucket list wish but I have no guts lol] and I want to buy an old house- like an old house downtown somewhere, with a wrap around porch... from like the early 1800s. It's like my all time dream. Cheesy but thats me =]
2. How long have you been a MilSpouse and where have you been stationed so far? (from Raising Roscoe)
We have been married 3 years [well it'll be years on the 1st of November] and have been stationed at Fort Campbell, Kentucky [or hell as I like to call it lol] and Fort Stewart, Georgia
It's kind of hard to make a list. I have so many things I have gone through, from an abusive childhood, to my first "love" going to prison, to foster care, to being rescued by my "white knight" and living happily ever after =] It's definitely a mix of country songs on the list but seriously just crack open my Ipod or Itunes and take a listen =]
4. What is your favorite kind of pizza?
I looove Pepperoni, onion, and mushroom on thin crust from Dominoes with lots of hot sauce on top [I guess that's the cajun in me]
5. What are three good things in your life right now?
I just don't know where to start.... just to name 3. I have no debt. My husband won't be deploying again possibly until 2014, and I get to wake up every single day to the most perfect and smart little two year old in the world [I'm biased, I know]... I'm so thankful to have what I have in my life! after all I've experienced, it's nice to finally be able to sit back and BREATHE.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Insert Blog Title Here
Oh what a week it has been. I pretty much lost my closest friend but kind of gained a new one. My husband had his first PT test since he got home from Iraq [CRAZY I KNOW RIGHT] and nearly maxed it out. He's as of now going to the E-5 board on November 3rd [2 days after our 3rd wedding anniversary and 3 days before is 23rd birthday lol] so things seem to be doing okay.
I haven't really been blogging much lately... definitely not because I don't have much to say, but because I know that the things I want to say will hurt people. I guess I'm just fed up. Fed up with being kicked when all I ever do is try to care and be a good person to every one, my mother- my friends... everyone. I just never seem to do a good enough job... I just don't get it. Eh whatever. I don't really want to talk about it... My mouth will just get me into trouble.
I got another tattoo the other day. Finally got Caylee's name, her birth month flower like I wanted but instead of her birthday I got "Cadeau d'Amour" which means "Gift of Love" in French. It looks amazing. Here's a pic =] I love it. It hurt like hell, but with the awful day I was having that day, It's just what i was needing- PAIN to take away my pain. Demented much? lol... I went in with the intentions of getting her name and birthday pretty small on my wrist and this is what I ended up with. I don't regret it but I'm sure I will once I end up having to wear long sleeves in Georgia for a job in the next few years in the middle of the summer lol.
Ugh excuse my jumping... My mind is one jumbled mess. My thoughts are scattered- my emotions are everywhere. I don't know what to think or how to handle certain "situations". I feel like there really isn't anyone to talk to who can understand... the one person I had, isn't the person I thought so yea... anyway I'm done for now I guess... Maybe I just need to go back to church... I haven't been in 3 weeks and I feel that dark hole coming back...
I haven't really been blogging much lately... definitely not because I don't have much to say, but because I know that the things I want to say will hurt people. I guess I'm just fed up. Fed up with being kicked when all I ever do is try to care and be a good person to every one, my mother- my friends... everyone. I just never seem to do a good enough job... I just don't get it. Eh whatever. I don't really want to talk about it... My mouth will just get me into trouble.
I got another tattoo the other day. Finally got Caylee's name, her birth month flower like I wanted but instead of her birthday I got "Cadeau d'Amour" which means "Gift of Love" in French. It looks amazing. Here's a pic =] I love it. It hurt like hell, but with the awful day I was having that day, It's just what i was needing- PAIN to take away my pain. Demented much? lol... I went in with the intentions of getting her name and birthday pretty small on my wrist and this is what I ended up with. I don't regret it but I'm sure I will once I end up having to wear long sleeves in Georgia for a job in the next few years in the middle of the summer lol.Ugh excuse my jumping... My mind is one jumbled mess. My thoughts are scattered- my emotions are everywhere. I don't know what to think or how to handle certain "situations". I feel like there really isn't anyone to talk to who can understand... the one person I had, isn't the person I thought so yea... anyway I'm done for now I guess... Maybe I just need to go back to church... I haven't been in 3 weeks and I feel that dark hole coming back...
Saturday, October 9, 2010
"Tie You to the Bed and Set the House on Fire"
Yes... I'm sure when you look at that title the first thing you think is "Oooh- that's a great Eminem song." All I think about when I hear that song is domestic abuse, living it my whole life and watching those around me go through it--- and I'm not just talking PHYSICAL!
When people think of domestic abuse, they think someone is getting knocked around a bit... What they fail to acknowledge is the fact that mental abuse takes 10 times more of a toll than any amount of bruise or scratch could ever leave... And you know what disgusts me most, is that in ALL CASES the "abuser" will sit there and paint it out like HE/SHE is the victim... like they have some right to do or say what they do. They want the pity. They manipulate people, especially the victim, into thinking THEY are the victim. I have seen it all too many times- I see it a mile away... and when it happens to people I care about, it KILLS me! It literally HURTS because I know there is not a damn thing I can do... oh there are things I WANT to do, like mentally and physically abuse the abuser myself.... let them get a taste of what it's like- I want them to know that pain, that feeling like you are nothing, that feeling like you can NEVER be good enough, like it's all your fault- Like you just want to die! I've been there! I know that feeling... and when my family or close friends go through it, I ache for them. I get angry for them- because I know they can't, because chances are they don't see it... They are sitting thinking of all the reasons why it's their fault... why they deserve what is happening to them... and it's not fair. It's not right!!! It's not the VICTIMS fault- nothing you could EVER do could justify another person having the right to mentally abuse you to the point where you don't want to get out of bed in the morning, or physically abuse you... And if you think you deserve it- YOU ARE SO WRONG! There is nothing I can do but tell you to say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! you will lose ALL you are, and you will become all he wants. No love is like that! If you think that is how love is, you've never experienced love at all! If you are being mentally or physically abused, only you can make the choice to get away. Stop making excuses. People like that NEVER change- I know from experience, from my own and from what I've seen. No one deserves to be treated like they are dirt, like they are the cause of every problem in the relationship... you aren't the problem- you're a victim...
When people think of domestic abuse, they think someone is getting knocked around a bit... What they fail to acknowledge is the fact that mental abuse takes 10 times more of a toll than any amount of bruise or scratch could ever leave... And you know what disgusts me most, is that in ALL CASES the "abuser" will sit there and paint it out like HE/SHE is the victim... like they have some right to do or say what they do. They want the pity. They manipulate people, especially the victim, into thinking THEY are the victim. I have seen it all too many times- I see it a mile away... and when it happens to people I care about, it KILLS me! It literally HURTS because I know there is not a damn thing I can do... oh there are things I WANT to do, like mentally and physically abuse the abuser myself.... let them get a taste of what it's like- I want them to know that pain, that feeling like you are nothing, that feeling like you can NEVER be good enough, like it's all your fault- Like you just want to die! I've been there! I know that feeling... and when my family or close friends go through it, I ache for them. I get angry for them- because I know they can't, because chances are they don't see it... They are sitting thinking of all the reasons why it's their fault... why they deserve what is happening to them... and it's not fair. It's not right!!! It's not the VICTIMS fault- nothing you could EVER do could justify another person having the right to mentally abuse you to the point where you don't want to get out of bed in the morning, or physically abuse you... And if you think you deserve it- YOU ARE SO WRONG! There is nothing I can do but tell you to say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! you will lose ALL you are, and you will become all he wants. No love is like that! If you think that is how love is, you've never experienced love at all! If you are being mentally or physically abused, only you can make the choice to get away. Stop making excuses. People like that NEVER change- I know from experience, from my own and from what I've seen. No one deserves to be treated like they are dirt, like they are the cause of every problem in the relationship... you aren't the problem- you're a victim...
Domestic Violence Hotline
800-799-7233
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