Most of you know that Rob and I have tried for over a year to get pregnant and finally, in April, it happened. I am almost 7 weeks along and every single day, instead of enjoying my pregnancy like I did with Caylee, I fear the worst. I have had several friends have miscarriages in the past year and honestly it's one of my biggest fears at the moment, especially with as much trouble as we have had trying to conceive.
Why is this fear sinking itself so deep into my mind? Why am I not allowed to just wallow in the fact that we FINALLY got our dream to come true. I have a whole pregnancy where things can go wrong and if I'm only 7 weeks and already scared to death of the worst possible outcome, I can't imagine being able to enjoy any part of this pregnancy. Instead I will end up spending all of my spare time worrying that something will go wrong!
I have had nightmares every single night about me having a miscarriage. About me falling to the ground, screaming in devastation and rob trying to console me and me just pushing him away. I don't know how to make them stop. I don't know how to make the dreams go away.
Am I losing my mind? Have any of you experienced this before? How to you put the bad to the back of your mind?
3 comments:
I think its perfectly normal to have those kinda fears, so no your not losing your mind... Our fears are a big part of our subconscious, I think they are involuntary and try to get the best of us. I know you've probably heard it a dozen times and I know it wont make your fears go away but you'll be ok,...really :) This is my second worst fear ever... the first being that I'll never be able to become pregnant. I wish I could be where you are to give you hugs! And if you ever wanna talk, ya know where to find me :)
I can totally relate with these fears that you're experiencing - you know my history of miscarriages. Have you had your first appointment yet? Maybe you could talk to your doctor about your concerns? My best friend felt the same way when she first found out she was pregnant because of my previous experiences but felt much better about things after her first ultrasound.
The mantra that I tried to live by when I was pregnant the second time was: I am pregnant now and I love my baby. I'll be praying for you and baby #2!
I'm sure its pretty normal to have those fears. Personally I can't relate, so I won't pretend I can. I'm sorry you're going through it, and hopefully everything will go as planned and be okay. Try to stop stressing, I know easier said that done.. I wouldn't think the stress is good for you, and I'm sure it won't help during the pregnancy!
I'm having a giveaway on my blog. There are a lot of options, but one is a little spa kit (massage oils and stuff) and it sounds like you could use it!
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