A Little Time Away Does The Spirit Good

Well, it is obvious that I have been absent from the blogging world for a few weeks now. I decided to go spend a week with my aunt and uncle in Fort Benning, Ga last week. Rob stayed home obviously for work reasons, but Caylee and I went for a week just to get away. I'm not sure why I was so desperately depending on this little get-a-way but it definitely did good things for my spirit. I guess the absence of my "friends", Rob's leave getting denied, along with a few other things, all kinda had me sinking into a depression. While some people may let the depression grab a hold of them, I am the type of person who wants to do any and everything she can to keep herself from getting sucked in. So I left for my trip, spent time talking to my aunt about life and the course that has been taken over the past few years, the ways I have changed since I moved in with her when I was 15, how far my little cousins [who you will often see me refer to as my brother and sister] have come, especially Ryan who is diagnosed Autistic. Let's just say, I've come a long way from the broken girl I was 6 years ago and while I fight a constant battle, it's nice to hear my aunt say she is proud of all I have accomplished and that I have taken control of things and broken the cycle of abuse that was present for me, my mom, grandma, etc.

I got to spend some time with my little sister [aka my cousin Sabrina] and it is quite weird. She is 13 years old now and such a little teenager. It really makes me sad to see her grow up. She is facing peer pressure and is sadly finding out what it's like to be self conscious because of ones looks and weight. I am so proud of the fact that she is an honor roll student, she's a good girl and she really is just such a positive person [for the most part]. It makes me sad when I think that she may possibly lose that sunshine she's always had. She seems to just be sad all the time now and I'm not sure why. Probably depression, as it runs in both sides of the family but I don't want to watch her fade like I did. I'm so thankful she has my aunt for her mom.

My little brother [aka my cousin Ryan] is autistic. He went from having major meltdowns constantly to being truly a joy to be around. He is 15 but sometimes, it's more like he's maybe 5. He still likes to snuggle and give eskimo kisses. He adores Caylee and he hates change with anything. He has come so far and it's crazy to believe that he is in High school right now. He is learning very quickly that sometimes it's best to say nothing at all. Let's just say I'm beyond words in my pride for my aunt's success with him. He's my little [big] buddy!


I realize I'm kind of jumbled and jumping all over but I have so much I want to say. I cut my hair super short again and really like it. Although, it definitely makes me self-conscious about my weight [which hopefully some will be gone soon, since we're starting the gym at the beginning of the year]. Rob will be staying on the color guard for at least 2 years, which kinda bums me out. It's a great honor for him [being that it's for the WHOLE DIVISION] but it gets irritating that they tell us one thing then do another.

I'm quite irritated at the idea of friendship right now. I thought friendship was a 2 way street- that it was easy and fun. Well sadly, I seem to find all the people that need the most work to make the friendship work. My aunt told me this week that if a friendship has to be questioned or is more work than fun, it's really not worth it- so when do I toss in the towel? It irritates me when I allow people into my life, just for them to be what I like to call "absent" friends- really only there when it's convenient. Ahh such is life I suppose. I have been lucky enough to find a friend that is more fun than work [actually she's no work at all]. She's not just there when it's convenient, and she truly cares about other people aside from herself. She's positive and loves with all she has. She is the type of person I searched for in a friend my whole life--- now I just have to keep reminding myself not to screw this one up lol.

Well I think that is all the new stuff I have and I promise that I will try to start back up blogging again!