Ok so I am posting this blog for all of the ladies who have yet to go through or complete a deployment... Today I discovered [after over 2 months of him being home] that something is not right with Robert. Over the past few weeks I should have put two and two together. I should have seen the signs. The increased anger, the way he was speaking to me, his lack of patience... I keep saying I just should have seen it, I just should have known that he wasn't his normal self. I mean I am his wife, We're best friends. I should have noticed... SHOULDN'T I?!?
Today, Rob completely flew off the handle... He got physically rough with me-he didn't hit me or anything but he did get rough. This is so unlike him. He's never even really yelled at me before in the three years we have been married. I knew that he was having a hard time dealing with being home just because he gets upset with me when I tell him I don't want to hear about the things that happened to him in Iraq. I know that sounds harsh but it's like watching a movie about the war-You know what the risks are but you don't want to face the. I keep telling myself all he needed was someone to listen and then maybe it would not have even got this far. I know he would never do anything to hurt me or Caylee but I am not going to take that chance either. I decided to call his SSG [staff sgt] and let him know that I thought something was wrong. That Rob had simply not been himself since he returned home from Iraq. His SSG listened to my concerns and about the incident that happened today and that I had actually be in fear that he would hit me. SSG stated that he definitely thought that Rob should not only talk to the Chaplain but attend anger management. He said he new exactly what rob was going through and that it had nothing to do with me or anything I was doing. He said he is confused about his emotions and isn't sure what to do about it. This man has been deployed 5 times and for him to say- YOU WILL GET YOUR ROBERT BACK! I can't help but believe. I know Rob is one of the best men out there. He would do anything for me and caylee without hesitation. Before today, he's maybe yelled at me a total of 4 times in the past 3 years.
I posted this because I want you all to know that even the best, most emotionally balanced men can get screwed up. That even after they are home a month or two-the changes may not be completely noticeable... What steps do you take when you realize that something is not right? You step in because that is what should be done. People with after affects of deployments don't realize that they are different-that what they are doing is not right. As the person they love and depend on, you need to step in. Whether it be to call the SSG or to make the appt to see a shrink or chaplain yourself- DO SOMETHING! And be aware. I feel like I am partially to blame for this because I saw signs and thought they would just go away on their own- THAT IS NOT THE CASE! ACT! Help your military men and women!
3 comments:
Ashley I'm so glad that you stepped in and hopefully you all will be happy and normal again. I know that it's a possibility, my Dad has been home for over 5 years now and still has after affects of his 18 months in Iraq, but with all that I still try to tell myself David won't change when/if he gets deployed, ha right? Anyways I really hope things work out for the best for you and your family. Especially once you get to GA and can start all over. I'm always here Ash and I'm more than willing to listen.
I won't say "it will be okay", "I know what you are going through", or anything like that. You know what is best for yourself and your child, but the main thing is that you are there for Robert. I'm sorry you have to go through this. There is help, and it seems after reading this afternoons post that he is willing. Most people that do suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder refuse treatment or help of any kind. The military has recently stepped up and brought more psychologists on board to address these issues. You are a remarkable wife, mother, and woman of many strengths. I believe without you and Caylee, Robert wouldn't be the man he is today. This has all been very stressful on your household and those around you, but I don't want you to feel that you are ever alone. Soon there will be changes in your life that you have all been looking forward to...fun in the sun! Embrace him, love him, and let him talk it out. I know it's hard to listen to, but he needs this from you. There are many avenues for help, and I commend you for taking that step. I'm sad because I cannot be there for you, but I am only a phone call away! I love you Ashley!!
So, I was reading your previous posts. WoW, you can write some damned good shit...what's the title of your book? Nothing says how good your life is better than your pictures. Okay, so aren't we all a little "psycho" now and then? Hell, I can't say I was there for you. I can't even say I tried to find you. But, for the record: When I did I told you how sorry I was and I won't let you out of my life again! I mean that Ashley! You can say whatever you want about the past, but I'm here for your future. I know it doesn't count in the swing of things you have had to go through, and God I wish I could have protected you, but deep down I know you are a true survivor. We all battle the stresses of life, and you have taken the high road and are dealing with it. Not like most people who just fricken throw in the towel. I'm sure you have shed more tears than the body can produce, but I want to assure you: you always have a place with me as my door is always open to you. I will never loose you again! This isn't out of pitty, it's out of my own guilt because I was such a bitch...point blank! People can be so blind to reality, or is it pure selfishness? Each of us can tell a story of a tragedy (even Amanda over peppi), but you my dear should start that novel while it's fresh in your mind! You are doing great and I'm doing a cheer for your stress level during your move! haha...
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